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| ok, so that last entry I couldn't finish.I will some other time.
Let's see. Shit still sucks, and I could just use a really supportive friend.
I'm going back to ny on thursday to check on pop and see how he's
doing. I'm going to try and get him to come down sooner if I can.
I am still at the county job, feeling like I'm not making a difference
for some kids, and being someone's only support other times.
Have you ever had a friend who you cared SO much about and you do
everything you can only to have them ignore you and slowly, it just
makes you Bitter. Thats slowly what is happening. I'm on the border of
being bitter, and I don't know how long if ever, that I'll get to the
point where I can just shrug my shoulders and say "oh well, I tried".
On top of that, life just seems filled with negativity. I applied for a
job in syracuse, and it I get it, I'm seriously thinking about saying
so long.
AHHH Hell. I'm outtie, I'm going to take a bath.
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| Wow, where do I begin. I was OBVIOUSLY going throught a transitional period back in May. Oh well, you live, you learn.
As of recently. I got in a fight with steve on new years eve and ended the relationship infront of a bar at 11:15pm. Only to have "fixed things" and got a kiss on new years. I thought "do i want to go through the same things, and feel the same way when it becomes 2007?" Well, I delt with that for about a week.
Then at 3am on Friday the 6th We got a call from Syracuse. We were on a plane by 8am. I cried in the plane all the wait to Detroit, and tried to prepare myself for what I might see when I got to syracuse.Mom and I met my aunt Denise and my cousin Nick at the airport, in which I cried in Nick's arms. "How's Grandpa?" I asked. "he's either fine, or he has no idea what's really happening." he said to me. We were at St. Joseph's hospital in the ICU by 12.
Once we got to the hospital, everyone was there, looking exhausted and red eyed. I wasn't so quick to run into the waiting room once I saw my grandfather hug my mother and begin to sob. He had obviously had a very good idea.
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| Few people I want to punch in the face. Normally, I hate conflict and I
have never been in a fight, but it's to the point I would serious love
to just walk up to those people and punch them in the fucking face. I
hope I would make them bleed too. I hope that when I hit them, i'd get
blood on my hand, and i'd wipe it on their shirt. kinda to say, "you
pissed me off so fucking badly, that i ruined your ugly goddamned shirt
too."
ARGH god all that makes me sound like a psycho. I dont care at this
point, I am so mad. Makes one really know where they stand in the
loyalty respect or a friendship, or past friendships to that matter.
Chances are, if I don't talk to you on a weekly basis, at least once, I probably don't have anything nice to say about you.
I often wonder when I became so bitter. I think it was when I had to
"Grow up". who the fuck knows. I am no longer happy here. I've been
around too long, with the same fucking faces, and I need to get the
hell away.
I think i know when I became so bitter. i think it was when I realized
that the people I would have done anything for were worthless friends,
and we're selfish. When you realize you'd do anything for someone, and
asking for a phone call from them is too much, one really wakes the
fuck up. Sadly, you really can't count on anyone but yourself.
I think I'm going to move within the next year. and not just move, but
I mean move away. I'm not going to tell many people where either. Some
don't deserve to know.
God, I graduate college in like a week, and people are trying to fuck with me. WHYYYYYYYYY.
Argh, maybe I should start smoking pot. maybe that will cool me out.
who knows. I have shit to do, and this weblloging shit is stupid to,
but i'm not about to call anyone and tell all them this,. This probably
wont even been seen for months. Good. Hopefully, i'l aready be gone
somewhere and this is explain why i left.
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| Wow, sure has been a long time writing in this. Well, it's almost
thanksgiving now. who hoo turkey! anyway, just so everyone is up to
date. I'm still with steve, and I'm still at Hustler. I'll be honest.
Its the greatest job i've had. I am also an intern at 97.3
I'm taking a break from studying for my geology lab quiz. I hate the
fact that if you write a teacher, they take forever to write back,.
thats part of their job too damnit. write me back or get fired! Lets
seeee, last thursday 11/11 I worked at 97.3. we ironically did a
hustler signing event. I got an autograph and even got felt up by one of the
girls whom i got my picture with. she made it clear she "liked girls"
riiight. later that night steve and i went to bogarts where we got to
meet the bands my chemical romance and story of the year. Letter kills
was also there. After the show we went to the back porch and i got
pretty drunk. saw greg routhier, mike lander, luis and billy ross. Good
to know some people can maintain friendships for so long. =)
makes me feel happy to know that. Friday I worked, then afterwards went
out to eat at Brio at newport with steve anna and chris. kinda double
date..whatever. I love those guys. saturday I worked. but we went to
TGIF's for dindin. say shawn higgins..hooked us up bigtime. =) I had
like 4 fishbowl margaritas and who else knows what. the bill was cheap
cheap cheap! =) saw huff and emily that night. always good to see them.
They dont come around as much as they used to so it is good to see
them. Sunday, steve and i had dinner at my house (after i got off work
of course) and then went back to his house, made cookies and set up his
new fishtank. Monday he let me sleep it! whooooo hoooo.
This weekend is going to be busy. theres a case and cuffs party I
was invited to, but iiiiii dunno. it sounds like trouble. other than
that, i'll be working for most of the week, except on wednesday. it'll
be another fun filled evening in newport. we're headin to crazy fox to
try some knock-off absinthe drink, then tropicana for ladies night,
then i guess the red cheetah.....and THIS is what should be
interesting. I wonder how many it'll take before i volunteer to dance!
As it stands, I think I'm doing pretty well in school. geology is
kicking my ass, for a 100 level lab, you'd think it'd be cake. WRONG!!!
I've realized I miss a lot of people. a lot who I hope I can see over break. We shall see.
Christmas is coming up soon, scary. I dont know what to get people.
especially steve. Not only is he difficult to buy for, he's expensive  Maybe I guess he just has good taste  ..... i'm j/k.
My aunt died november 30th. that was a downer. it was a hard process
for her. I talked to my grandma the other day to see how things were,
and i guess she says its weird that it doesnt seem like shes gone. She
thinks that its because she was in the hospital for so long, and when
she wasnt, she wasnt herself anyway. So, she feels like she lost her
awhile ago. Still, I feel guilty I'm not as close to that side of the
family...Techincally, other than my father, (And my aunt passing) I'm
the only Shumway left. Very weird. it's too bad, I liked being
called Shummy.
Tonight in my film class i get to watch one flew over the cuckoos nest.
I'm not feeling so hot, so i might leave early. I'll write my paper on
the next movie.
Ah, i graduate in May. Thank God. and just think, if I hate the real
world THAT much, i can always go to grad school to prolong it a few
more years! yeah, thats right, I'm a thinker. ok, well, i'm going to
wrap this up. i have to do a few things then hed to the library and
then class. who knows, maybe i'll write back in a few more months 
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| well, by request of Thomas Le, I am to update this thing, b/c
"how else am I goign to knwo whats going on with my shummy?" Thomas,
you're too cute, and I miss all those lax game we used to go watch,
lol, especially the kind when smertis would hump the goal post.
I should be doing homework thats due at 4:30. I just dont have the
motivation just yet. It's coming, so this will be short, but until
then, i will just ramble on.
As an update to my last entry, I ended up getting a new car. I got a
2000 mercury cougar, She's light blue, so I named her stitch,
(b/c that movie rules) (and yes,m i know stitch was a boy, but f.u. who
cares.)
Pat and Luce stopped by on their spring break. It was nice to see them, Its always good to see them
I got another job since my job sucked over my spring break.... "hey,
I'll be home for about 9 days, i'd like to get as many hours as I can,
so, I can work everyday if you need me, b/c i really need the hours..."
"oh, ok ashley, no problem"................i get home, start working, I
worked close on saturday, and then i was scheduled 2 days after that,
for a four hour shift each night.
"F this!" I applied at Monroe, and as of April 3rd, I'll be working at Hustler Hollywood Ohio. 
mom's proud.
ok, i gotta be productive.......I'll write more later,
ciao
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